Achtzehn Monate

Ich bin wieder hier. In this town that I'm not feeling mine anymore, and it's like something is feeling wrong, I feel like a stranger, I don't feel easy here, everything is stressful and vain, all comes down to nothing. Last Friday I woke up at 4 am in the morning, ready to leave the fucking jungle astupind going back home. Problem is Home is not the proper word for this place, my town, my parents' house, everything is feeling absolutely strange.

The same day I barely had lunch and the responsability called my door...I need money and there's a way to get it but I'm gonna be attached to a bank for eighteen months...one year and a half, and the worst part is fuckkkkk I don't feel like getting compromises, a year and a half is a long time, anything can happen and I'm there, engaged, there's no way I could run away, away from everything that is killing me slowly, I can see it in the mirror now, I'm not eighteen anymore, I'm getting older by the day and I haven't gotten anything I could considerer meaningful, but I can choose living a life that worths living even if I'm in the jungle, or if I'm here...where my brain doesn't work properly...here I feel blocked, I have no peace, this house is not quite enough...there's noise everytime, the tv, the people, it's not a silence around and I feel stressed because of that.

Next week is gonna be important, I'm gonna be free for 10 days (or more it depends) and I wanna do some things I like, partyin, knowing new places, fuck, all those things I do like to do and that according to me makes life worth living.

Gefroren (With No Inspiration Back to Town)

Unerträglich (Away from the Sun)

Just as I thought, today was NOT an easy day. Even though it started quite well, and my boss didn't come like a demon, it was just matter of time for one of my enemies to show up. Yes, in the meeting he was just recalling not everybody was in the parades and not everybody was taking care of what we were supposed to take care, and yes it seems it's me the target, why don't they say finally that since I got here, the whole place went to hell, just say it, and maybe I decide to give up and leave this fucking town for good, at the end of the day, this is not a place I want to be in, and they're totally right when they say (not directly though) that I'm here just to earn the money, yes that's the only reason I'm here, there's no way I would be here, just in the middle of a fucking, down-to-hell jungle, in the middle of nowhere just to make best friends with anybody, which I know it won't happen...my life here is just an infinite pause of my actual life that is in fact far away from here, and I'm just borrowing my body so the actual me got a chance in the real world. That's so true.

The day could be worst, I know, but it's the constant criticism, the voices, the noise, those people, everything as a whole is a damn hell, and being away from home is not actually helping, and having in mind I HAVE to be in Sincelejo to do some things for my telephone (got issues) or my education (it's stuck) my boss decided change the rules and now I'm not leaving this fucking town on Friday, but maybe, just maybe on Tuesday which sucksssssssss as hell...

I feel lonely, no friends, no family, none supporting me, and in a permanent state of pause, this is one of those day where I wanna run, run away from here, run away, and leave this for good, I wanna cry, I'm done, it's unbearable, I hope this all hell at least gets a little bit better, and I can find if not happinnes, at least some peace.

When the cat is gone...

Yes, when the cat is gone, the mice go partying...that's a very pop saying in Colombia, and that's exactly what happened yesterday night and this morning...the landlady was gone to attend some aunt's funeral in Barranquilla, so the house was pretty much headless only with her sister-in-law taking care of the food and stuff...so far everything was going pretty much fine, I think the only advantage for me was being able to plug my computer and my cellphone several times a day, since thursday but the parades actually didn´t allow me to spend too much time charging the battery of my gadgets.

Then, the landlady's son showed up, and since the very moment he got here, with no mom to complain he just went drinking, that's not of my fucking business, but the next it is, last night, well not last night but like 3 am in the morning, he opened the door, I woke up coz they were doing noise, they, he and some other shit that came with him, and then the lights went down...and I started listening a girl panting, and I decided to see what's going on and the boy was fucking some bitch I've seen before, but the worst part was the door to the street was wide open...C'mon

The show kept going with the closed door and the lights down, and I thought that was all, till this morning, the guy and the bitch moved to the room next to mine, and at 6 am they started fucking again, and yes I'm a human, I wanted a sneak peak, I watched for a while through a semiclosed window, and yes the fuck was good, but for some reason it didn't excite me, it was more like I felt unrespected, and the worst is the guy's sister, his aunt-in-law and the other guy who lives here, we were all here and we had to hears the bitch's panting, and wow now I know why drunk people last while sex, now I can confirm it, well I think I'm not that bad boy at all, I would never do something like that, not in my mom's house just like this son of a bitch did, definetely something is wrong with this family.

In other news, my twitter account is coming to 20000 tweets that's a lot, and spent the whole day trying to figure out a way to go Google Buzz from my cellphone without using the broswer that actually kinda sucks...it didn't work, until somehow I could do it but with TweetDeck not with Seesmic as I was thinking... it worked and shit this guy is over the edge, now he's asking his mom for money and she hasn't learnt since she got like two hours ago what he did, fuck with him, and now tomorrow is another day in hell, I'll keep you posted...

Don't Rain On My Parade

And it didn't. And actually it wasn't my parade. It was this town parade, it was this town's birthday and they celebrated it, yesterday the 20th of May with a a parade, and oh surprise, I had to attend, for much of my dismay, well not that much and even in this moment I'm listening the music of the second parade, yes, today the 21th, well yesterday the day started kinda late for me, reason? well I woke up late, and I took my shower later, but it happened it didn't matter too much, I was late and it happened I was on time to start the parade...and yes there was a lot of people walking along the town, too much if you ask me, and starting 8am til almost 11 am and listening martial bands mixed with folk music all along the walking wasn't that cool, and plus I had to work? No way...I decided taking pictures was much better plan for that parade, so here they are some pics...

the afternoon? pretty much going to the place I work pretending doing something when I actually didn't do anything, I was just there standing, at least I was there, some did bother to go even to see if something was needed for the today's parade, the same parade I'm listening now...the rest of the day, just Internet, my addiction is growing by the day and I'm not sleeping well, and that sucks, I need to sleep more when next week is going to be a convulted one when a lot of things will be set up, I hope things go well, but that depends on my boss...which I heard it wasn't that happy yesterday fuckkkkk

Es war Freitag

yes, yesterd

Eine Nacht der Kerzen

This evening was a night of candles in this deeply retarded town placed in the middle of a stinky jungle. the day actually didn't start that bad, well actually it did. My landlady (somebody who is like a mom to me in this place) is left to Barranquilla, coz some uncle of hers died last night, or maybe because the won the local bingo, like the last time, when I suspect I paid for their tickets and they (she and her sister) won and they left me here with fever and flu, in a aweful ocasion I want to forget forever and ever... well they left this morning... and I left to the school where I was supposed to coordinate guys cleaning the streets... but there was chaos.

My boss is not in this town, and the people who is taking care of his functions is exactly like me...we're not doers, so the chaos was all over the place, well even when I'm not a doer, I know that actually I have to do things...and that was what happened today...well I took the people I had to coordinate and we did our job, and I had to spend my money to finish the labor...later lunch, and I think I don't stand the people who comes to have their meals in this house. I start to feel a deep rejection towards them...and  I know that's bad...but what can I do? and since I don't do a good fake, it's obvious they know I don't like them too much, what I hate the most is that they seem to have some priviliges and the quality of my food (when it's me who's paying for everything while they pay some of their debt), and it's SO FUCKING UNFAIR.

Well after lunch and some "socializing" with the sons of bitch, I went to sleep, and I woke up just to do my eveining role on the candles light...total failure...people I was suppose to take care of , they were out of control, I don't know how I could stand, and I know this is gonna go against me, I don't know if tomorrow, or maybe monday, my boss is gonna be so pissed when he finds out...and that's not the ugly part, my workmates are also thinking I'm that bad, maybe they think I'm the real responsible for what happened, but I'm just one of 24 people there, I don't think I have to take all the responsability, I don't think so...

Now, after watching tv and more socializing, after having a regular meal, (which I'm sure was much better for the highladers sons of bitch) I'm here and I wanna sleep, but I can't...

1000 Cosas Que Me Gustaría Hacer Antes de Morir (Segunda Parte)

11 a 20


11. Viajar en Metro.
12. Viajar en Avión.
13. Viajar en Lancha
14. Viajar en Tren
15. Tener un hijo.
16. Comprar un traje de saco y corbata.
17. Disfrazarme de nuevo en Halloween.
18. Celebrar mi cumpleaños en grande.
19. Llegar a 10 mil seguidores en Twitter.
20. Ver como resulta la fusión de Nokia y Microsoft.

1 a 10


1. Tener un blog.
2. Viajar fuera del país.
3. Tener un Smartphone.
4. Tener un computador.
5. Escribir un cuento.
6. Escribir una novela.
7. Escribir una canción.
8. Escuchar mi canción en la radio.
9. Escribir un guión para una película.
10. Escribir para un programa de televisión.

1000 Cosas Que Me Gustaría Hacer Antes de Morir (Primera Parte)

1. Tener un blog.
2. Viajar fuera del país.
3. Tener un Smartphone.
4. Tener un computador.
5. Escribir un cuento.
6. Escribir una novela.
7. Escribir una canción.
8. Escuchar mi canción en la radio.
9. Escribir un guión para una película.
10. Escribir para un programa de televisión.

Erschrocken + Neun tage zu verlassen

Well, a few minutes ago, I got scared to death... I learned that actually I left my computer in the lounge where anybody could take it and leave with my beautiful and real helpful gadget..it's not the first time I leave something behind, I lost a cellphone once and a wallet, and it is so usual that i don't even know where the hell I'm leaving my stuff...and having in mind a totally freak out when I lose something I should be extremely more careful about my stuff, specially my gadgets...and my clothes, my notebooks, my pens, and so on...

Well, yesterday there was not too much work, I thought I had to go to a workmate's house to work, but for some reason I decided (yes, I did) not to go, I decided to stay at home...and today well I had to say I was sleeping wich it's partially true, but what I did was doing part of my work for the next week, and it's mandatory for me to do it so...

Another guy came to my landlady house, and he's friend of one of my former friends and also we attended in the same secondary school, so it's refreshing talking to somebody like that...and more rain, last night were raining all night long...

Tomorrow it's not gonna be a regular day at work and Friday is not either...which kinda cool, but I don't know if it would take more energy to fulfill the work tomorrow, but at least it's gonna be a change in the rutine...fuck and I really need it, plus tomorrow it's gonna be a morning/afternoon day of work not the usual only-morning, which is also kind of weird...

And Friday as well is gonna be a morning/afternoon kind of day so fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, well at least when this hell twirl is over, it's going to be actually Fünf tage zu verlassen.

Black Tango

I'm afraid...there's something that may hurt me real bad...but I'm scared if I dare doing something about it I may end up or dead or broken, I'm the sum of my parts, every single physical and mental part of me, that's what define me and I don't wanna quit to any of them...is a big question...to die or being alive but just half of you...tricky big question...

Well putting the dark comments aside...I wanted to write about the day I came to live in this jungle... well of course...there was a first day I got here, but of course it wasn't the day I got here to live, that's a completely different history

I thought there was an easy way to go from Sincelejo to the jungle, I was so lucky I the road was dry at that time (it was April 27th) and there were one van ready to go, expensive of course, but at least it was what I was expecting...it was a tuesday...I left Sincelejo thinking about how much my life was changing, I was in another country just a few HOURS ago, I left my voluntary job in Sincelejo and I was leaving the person I loved, leaving this country as well...fuck but this was something I got to do...taking care of me, that was something I was looking forward since I finished college, but then the kidney stones, and some other factors prevented me to do it so...but that was exactly what I was thinking when I was leaving Sincelejo.

Yes, I was traveling to the jungle, it was like 2:30 when I left, I got here like 6:45 to 7, and trust me that was FAST, I talked to my new landlady and she told me there were no rooms available for me, but she had set her nephew's house so I could live there until her houses rooms were empty...I met the nephew and some nieces, they took me there to his house in a motorbike after having dinner of course, and then they took me to an Internet room, of course it was slow as hell...and then when I was coming back to the nephew's house (where there was a baby) I saw the billboard... BLACK TANGO... it shocked me that in the middle of this hell there could be a place named in such a poetical way, well it took months before I got in there but it was enough time to realize that even in the last corner of te world, there will be things able to surprise you.

11 Tagen zu verlassen

Well, it's eleven days to leave this fucking town...well it will be eleven days if only my boss decides to keep his promises and let us go next week...but you never know he may change his mind in the last minute, well that depends on the moon, as far as I know.

Today I learned that actually there was a party this weekend ... and I didn't attend 'cause I heard in the mass last friday there was no party for this weekend but within two weeks, well it was ok..I understand that actually I'm not that party boy...but at least I could attend and eat, total and absolute fail...and the alcohol...so fucking fail.

But well, I used this weekend to complete part of the second fourth of the year and I just have to make the reports, sigh....well today it was a long, long day, something is wrong, I don't know if it's wrong with the computer, or if it's wrong with the wifi signal here in the school, my phone is working perfectly and it's helped me a lot not be out of the world by the weekend, but definitely something is wrong with the signal...I don't wanna look like villain, but that happened since they connect another school to our Interner service, and honestly I don't thing they can give good use of the service...you know facebook and hotmail are not exactly great use for some people for the internet.

Today I tried to take it as easy as I could...but again is hard, hard to stand some people that evidently don't want make any progress...they suckkk...and the worst part is they're making other people real smart and real good, really lazy, I only hope they get the fuck away from my path, they don't deserve anything coming from me...and I'm getting tired of playing the clown...is there any chance for me to succeed in this career? more when I'm planning to join a post-graduated course, that is actually kind of expansive...is this a good way to go? is it a good move? so many questions come to my head and I don't know the answers, I can't foretell what's coming in one, two or three years...I just wanna succeed and do things I like to do, at least I'm doing it on my own, and I'm not depending on anybody.

Ein weiteres Wochenende in der Hölle

May 14th... and yes I'm here in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the jungle, in the middle of nothing... away from everything, and everybody I might care...if only it wasn't so fucking expensive to leave this town on weekends at least I'd be at home... but recently not even my mom's house feels like home, it's a direct consequence of living for so long here, I had to stay here for so long so I can save some money and I can actually afford some things I do like and I feel good wearing and owning, but I wonder if it's so high price to pay... it's been a year, more than a year since I got here.

I was in Bogotá with my lover at that time... I called mom and she told me the "Hearing" to pick some jobs was gonna take place within the next days... of course there was a big issue, I was scheduled to be in Buenos Aires, I was totally fucked up, that was gonna be the first time I was gonna be in another country and picking up a fucking job in the middle of nowhere wasn't going to fuck up that wonderful chance...so I did what I had to do, I empowered my mom to pick my job...well it was like picking a job but picking the place where I was going to be send to work...yes everything was fucked up, so many things may go so wrong, specially because I feared my mom was going to be tricked for somebody in the Hearing room in Sincelejo.

Thank God, my mom did so great in the hearing or at least that was what I heard, and I end up here in the middle of nowhere...but hey it could be so fucking worst, actually I think Mommy gave the chance to write right here right now, or maybe I was end up in an actual jungle, like some of my college classmates that ended up in places with no electricity, sweet water, cell phones, and worst with no Internet... that's an actual hell, and thanks to mom, I'm not there.

I went to Argentina where, surprise!, I was the fool again, I lost my wallet, I was got into some nightclub where they took money from me, I thought I was screwed but that's what happen when you go after unknown people in unknown countries, yes for the record it was in Florida Street in downtown Buenos Aires... got fucking scared, thank God I didn't have my passport on me or anything worthful like cameras or cellphones, actually my clothes were so stupid...and that wasn't the end, but thank God Colombians like me learn real fast when someone attempts to get your stuff without your permission. I was walking with my companion and suddenly some stinky crap was thrown onto ours jackets, and like magic some old, ugly witch came out from nowhere and she attempted to help us, with some water she had on, very useful, you know... of course I quickly understood she wanted to get our jackets and God knows what else, I suspect that it may had something on that water... but thank God I got it real fast and get me and my companion away from the stinky witch... and later I lost my wallet, maybe in a cap, maybe in the stadium... and also my companion lost his camera....fuck, so cool pics and they were lost for good.

But the pluses topped the minuses, I specially remember the walking I made from the hotel to the cool Boca Juniors Stadium, in the Boca neighborhood, but weel that's more topic for my Wordpress blog than for this blog, and yes I'm here and today's saturday (and Sunday comes afterwards) and I got a mountain of work to do, so I have to take advantage of all my time today... so I can finish my work tomorrow and wait for this days to end real, real fast, after all I don't belong here.

Bored Weekend, Android and Three (or Four) Weeks to Go and the Gone Ones

Well, it's been a while since I posted my more recent entry on this blog...well I will have to summarize it.

Well last friday it was time to go to Sincelejo, it wasn't that exciting, just like I supposed, when I finished my job I have to run (as usual) to finish packing, so the car wasn't leaving me behind... that was the easy part, when we were on the road, after like 15 minutes, the car suddenly stopped, and that delayed us a little bit more...well but that wasn't the crappy part, when we get the place where the road was broken (by the water, remember?) we had to jump onto a boat, bad news?, there was nothing to protect us from the harsh sun of mid-afternoon and we were in that boat like 2 hours, under the cruel tropical sun, not that funny, I have to say. Well, later the trip by car again to Sincelejo, long enough and of course expansive enough as well, I got home like 8:30, very tired.

Well but I was tired, very tired not only coz of the crappy trip...I couldn't sleep not even the thursday (thor's day now I know) or friday, why? I wanted my Android phone...and I was completely stressed, I wanted a real good phone, and the best choice to go was the Motorola Defy, a very good Android Phone, but there was also the LG Optimus One, cheaper, but less handy than the Motorola Defy... I was in very stupid confusion, one hour I was completely sure I wanted the LG Optimus One, and the next one I was completely sure I wanted the Motorola Defy...when I was in the store, I could finally, finally got rid of the plan with the BlackBerry 9630 I had... and it was time to choose...I wanted the LG Optimus One but when I got the prize it was only 90.000 cheaper than the Motorola Defy, and sorry but I don't want to regret later for not having a completely better phone (water resitant and against hits) for less than 45 US Dollars, sorry but no...

I got my Android finally...but also I got out of cash I only have coins to finish this month, but this weekend is the 15th and is just like two weeks more to hold it on, and then I hope to be free, but you never know if I'm gonna stay here three of four weeks more.

A lot (well only two) of my workmates got the chance to leave this jungle, it's great news for them, I hope there will be that chance for me too, it's not such a great idea staying here for longer...this crappy place is getting shittier by the day...but you never know what the future is coming over...and yes I'm sleeping very well, I think I'm sleeping too much, long naps and stuff...well I think the title was long... but that was all I have to say.

PD. I just got a very sexy phone call, I'll keep you posted lol.

Decisiones difíciles.

Bueno debo decir que en los últimos dos días he pasado por una disyuntiva bastante fuerte. La decisión de comprar un nuevo equipo, un nuevo teléfono celular representó mucho más trabajo mental, de lo que yo hubiese podido imaginar... tenía claro que ya no quería un BlackBerry, pero definitivamente quería un teléfono Android (with Google) soy un fanático de Google y creo que empezaré con un teléfono sencillo pero suficientemente eficiente, muy buena relación costo/beneficio. 


La razón del tormento era que había otro teléfono con ciertas características que lo hacían bastante apetecible, pero no, por lo menos ahora no, y me duele no poder darme este lujo pero bueno las cosas se consiguen poco a poco. Y pues tal vez si ahorrara y esperara un mes... pero el próximo mes tengo unos compromisos bastante fuertes, por tanto no puedo estar dándome esos lujos y lo otro es que DETESTO endedudarme, no soy un tipo que le guste ir prestando por la vida y mucho menos cuando existe la opción clara de no hacerlo. En este momento opto por un celular que me da lo que necesito y que no es TAN costoso, aunque debo comprarle algunas cositas para protegerlo y mejorarlo, bueno la verdad esta mañana había tomado otra decisión, pero ya que es hora de terminar con el insomnio y con mi etapa BlackBerry de una vez por todas.

Hordeolum

Well, it seems now a stye on my eye is the big news today... well it's not like Bin Laden's death is not important but, the fuck with the taliban if my eye hurts, and the worst is I got ice on my eye yesterday and the best for the stye is heat... big mistake... so now my eye is horrible, now I can't be sexy or attract too much... I hate the way I look with this thing.

Well in other news, well having no internet in my phone is hardest than I thought. I need to know, I need to be posted about what's going on in the world, for example yesterday I had to know about Bin Laden's death while I was watching "No Country For Old Men" and yes, I couldn't finish the movie because of the news.

Well, like stye wasn't bad enough I had throatsore all weekend, and it's not funny having two things to complain about I hate it...I don't know and I'm not sure, and I don't think it's related to my headset, maybe I'm listening music too high volume or something... I don't know, I don't think so... shit I don't wanna be with this fucking stye all week long, I have stuff to do in Sincelejo, real importante stuff, shit!

Well, while I wait for the stye to heal, I'm gonna think about what's coming for me next weekend, like 30 hours of freedom for me, let's wait and see. As Usual.