Yesterday was a really weird day to me. To start with, I had no chance to tweet or use my cellphone because there was no electricity in this town from the early morning, so I couldn't charge the battery. It was kinda relieving by the way. The phone is like a chain to me lately, but I've found what sucks my time is listening music, the time just fly away, just like that. Well I was with some workmates to another workmate's birthday party who happens to be out of town.
It was cool being there, food, alcohol, and dominoes, that's my favorite game ever, but I'm afraid I'm brilliant at times, not all the time, most of the time I kinda suck playing it. Well, like at 6:30 / 7 am I decided to go back to this town, and well I was kinda drunk, and I just jumped into the bed, well into my hammock and I just fell sleep.
At midnight I just woke up and I didn't feel tired at all, maybe just thirsty, a little bit.But I couldn't go back to sleep. I have never had troubles to sleep, I found out that the earlier you go to sleep, the better you sleep and the better you feel next day. But last night alcohol got me and I was up all night long, I just could take a little snap at 5:30 til 7 am or something.
But it was interesting sharing with the sleepless people in twitter, even I got a follower for this blog, yes I'm a winner (A round of aplauses s'il vous plâit) lol. I'm worried, I know twitter is an adiction and having no options, well real healthy options to entertain myself here in the middle of the jungle I'm getting deeper in that fucking hole, but it's not like I don't wanna get there, lol, I'm that weird.
The land way to my beautiful Sincelejo is still blocked, but there are rumors (and rumor has it) that maybe in a couple of weeks we're going in four wheels to our beautiful Savannah. I hope I could sleep today and tonight better than last night, because I still have a lot of work to do, well not THAT much, but it's a decent ammount.
Something funny: "Face of Witch" was angry at me because my cellphone didn't let her sleep, but dude when she was playing music in that crazy high volume I didn't say anything so one day, please, it was just one night you didn't sleep, and I don't think you missed the number for the lottery. You Know. That's the way it goes.
domingo, 30 de enero de 2011
jueves, 27 de enero de 2011
Kinda Tired
Today I feel kinda tired...it´s weird because as I usually sleep very early I don´t feel tired at all, but last night I was talking with some people til late night about the town when the violence was red hot. But that´s not all, every single day that goes by I feel more tired, seeing the same people, the same kids, the same laziness, even mine.
I decided to feel tired when I wanted to get stronger, but that´s pretty much something I was really looking for and I could stand, but the other things, it´s like I was getting drained my energy, and the only thing I can do is sleeping or sending tweets and sms´s. This place is getting harder to leave, not because I´m feeling any attachment feeling towards it, but to leave this motherfucker place I would have to spend a lot of money, money I need to do things I do like, and I do like a lot.
And with me feeling tired, the cost of transportation, to make the trifecta, I think the water is getting to me, and I´m not feeling that well. I should wait a couple of weeks to get some things I need to see if maybe, just maybe I can remain healthy in this land God forgot so long ago.
But at least in the conversation, last night I got an idea for a brand new story, maybe it would require more investigation, but it´s not like it´s impossible to do, I´m gonna do it, well maybe I feel motivated enough to do it. Motivation, that´s all what these MF kids need and sometimes I feel powerless when there's absolutely nothing that motivates them except for video games and boyfriends...but what the hell, I gotta keep going, until what should happen will happen. And it happens, it happens a lot.
I decided to feel tired when I wanted to get stronger, but that´s pretty much something I was really looking for and I could stand, but the other things, it´s like I was getting drained my energy, and the only thing I can do is sleeping or sending tweets and sms´s. This place is getting harder to leave, not because I´m feeling any attachment feeling towards it, but to leave this motherfucker place I would have to spend a lot of money, money I need to do things I do like, and I do like a lot.
And with me feeling tired, the cost of transportation, to make the trifecta, I think the water is getting to me, and I´m not feeling that well. I should wait a couple of weeks to get some things I need to see if maybe, just maybe I can remain healthy in this land God forgot so long ago.
But at least in the conversation, last night I got an idea for a brand new story, maybe it would require more investigation, but it´s not like it´s impossible to do, I´m gonna do it, well maybe I feel motivated enough to do it. Motivation, that´s all what these MF kids need and sometimes I feel powerless when there's absolutely nothing that motivates them except for video games and boyfriends...but what the hell, I gotta keep going, until what should happen will happen. And it happens, it happens a lot.
martes, 25 de enero de 2011
Why I should leave
Today, was a good day, until I´ve found out again the reason I wanna leave. The reason is very simple by the way. I can´t stand people thinking they´re better than they really are. And the place I work is filled with this kind of people, young people teenagers, I can understand they´re young and they wanna live and they wanna have dreams and stuff just like I once did.
But the problem is why if they come from a town in the middle of a hot jungle and they have like zero chances of leaving this fucking town, they think they´re better and they deserve more than anybody else around, that´s why I hate working with this people, I´m afraid it´s not a general situation.
I´ve been working with four teams of people, and just one, just one I see once a week is the one I hate the most, horrible, horrible girls thinking they´re beauty or thinking they´re kind of special, c´mon, and yes, the horrible missgebildete people, well pretty much just one, how can somebody so physically horrible posibly think they got something to laugh about other people.
Well, that´s the problem, because maybe they think they can laugh at me, and maybe they can, and maybe I shouldn´t allow them, but fuck them, if they don´t respect me, there´s no reason in the whole world I should respect them, but this take back to the begining the reason I don´t wanna be here in the first place. People laughing. That´s the thing I hate the most in the world and maybe one day I just would take my stuff and leave this fucking town, where everything is going to hell, where everything is so far far away, where there´s nothing good, and maybe just a bunch of people is.
That´s why I can forget I was left behind here, but as far as I can go, I´m gonna take everything that it gives to me, and well I have to give something in return, but it´s not gonna be love. I just wanna say FUCK YOU BITCHES, FUCK YOU ALL, FUCK YOU MISSGEBILDETE, FUCK YOU, and GO TO HELL.
Well, maybe I´m just waiting for the moment, the right moment for me to go, for me to leave this fucking town, once and for all and forget about all the shitty things that I´ve been through here.
VAYANSE AL INFIERNO NOJODA, PERO FRESCO QUE SI USTED LEE ESTO NO ES CON USTED JEJEJEJE.
BYE BYE
But the problem is why if they come from a town in the middle of a hot jungle and they have like zero chances of leaving this fucking town, they think they´re better and they deserve more than anybody else around, that´s why I hate working with this people, I´m afraid it´s not a general situation.
I´ve been working with four teams of people, and just one, just one I see once a week is the one I hate the most, horrible, horrible girls thinking they´re beauty or thinking they´re kind of special, c´mon, and yes, the horrible missgebildete people, well pretty much just one, how can somebody so physically horrible posibly think they got something to laugh about other people.
Well, that´s the problem, because maybe they think they can laugh at me, and maybe they can, and maybe I shouldn´t allow them, but fuck them, if they don´t respect me, there´s no reason in the whole world I should respect them, but this take back to the begining the reason I don´t wanna be here in the first place. People laughing. That´s the thing I hate the most in the world and maybe one day I just would take my stuff and leave this fucking town, where everything is going to hell, where everything is so far far away, where there´s nothing good, and maybe just a bunch of people is.
That´s why I can forget I was left behind here, but as far as I can go, I´m gonna take everything that it gives to me, and well I have to give something in return, but it´s not gonna be love. I just wanna say FUCK YOU BITCHES, FUCK YOU ALL, FUCK YOU MISSGEBILDETE, FUCK YOU, and GO TO HELL.
Well, maybe I´m just waiting for the moment, the right moment for me to go, for me to leave this fucking town, once and for all and forget about all the shitty things that I´ve been through here.
VAYANSE AL INFIERNO NOJODA, PERO FRESCO QUE SI USTED LEE ESTO NO ES CON USTED JEJEJEJE.
BYE BYE
lunes, 24 de enero de 2011
der Abstinenz
Seufzer. It is very hard for a man to stay still, when everything that cross through your mind is sex. It's been a while since the last time I had sex for the last time...well maybe like two or three weeks, but thing is it is very very difficult not to have sex. Well, when you´re busy it´s easy to focus your energy in doing your things...and it´s kinda good and maybe that´s the good thing about abstinence, you got a lot of energy you can use to do things right.
But now, the negative facts. When it´s been a while since you had sex for the last time, you can easily fall in temptation, and do bad things (or sweet things) with people that after you're finished you will regret. On the other hand if you chose the right person, someone who cares about you, even when it's not a girlfriend or a lover, it's totally ok. But it's important to have in mind that maybe somewhere, somebody is the right one for you to fuck, not to love, because I´ve found Love is such a complicated thing that it´s not likely to find in short term.
I´m afraid Love is related to the biochemistry of our brains, and so, our chemistry so maybe waiting for somebody the right time, maybe it would make you love somebody. Or maybe Love is not related to Fuck, or maybe for some people it is.
Now, I know it's gonna take weeks for me to leave this town, so I´m gonna be an abstinent for a while, but maybe there´s is someone, out there, who deserves I stay still...but it´s hard I know, I gotta focus on the things I should be doing, the gym (where I suck) or the school (where I suck too) anyway time is the only thing that doesn't stay still and that is a blessing for all of us who are waiting for something to happen.
But now, the negative facts. When it´s been a while since you had sex for the last time, you can easily fall in temptation, and do bad things (or sweet things) with people that after you're finished you will regret. On the other hand if you chose the right person, someone who cares about you, even when it's not a girlfriend or a lover, it's totally ok. But it's important to have in mind that maybe somewhere, somebody is the right one for you to fuck, not to love, because I´ve found Love is such a complicated thing that it´s not likely to find in short term.
I´m afraid Love is related to the biochemistry of our brains, and so, our chemistry so maybe waiting for somebody the right time, maybe it would make you love somebody. Or maybe Love is not related to Fuck, or maybe for some people it is.
Now, I know it's gonna take weeks for me to leave this town, so I´m gonna be an abstinent for a while, but maybe there´s is someone, out there, who deserves I stay still...but it´s hard I know, I gotta focus on the things I should be doing, the gym (where I suck) or the school (where I suck too) anyway time is the only thing that doesn't stay still and that is a blessing for all of us who are waiting for something to happen.
sábado, 22 de enero de 2011
Wo ist Deutschland?
¿Es una locura querer aprender otro idioma? Mucha gente como mi papá alguna vez lo ha pensado...pues ¿para que dedicarle tiempo, esfuerzo y dinero a aprender otra forma de comunicarse si ya poseemos una? pues la respuesta creo que es más que obvia: en este mundo cada vez más inter-conectado, hablar varias lenguas multiplica tus posibilidades de salir adelante.
That's why is important speaking several languages, and now I think I'm fluent in two different languages: English and Spanish, but I'm desperate to speak a third and maybe a fourth languages, and my target for a third language is German. The most interesting thing about German is that it's not related with Latin, and that's why it's not as easy as Portuguese or Italian for a spanish speaker. It's not like I think Portuguese or Italian are easy, but when I'm reading some text in those languages I can understand like the 90%. It's no the case in German, it's a challenge.
Deutsch ist eine großen language. Es ist kompliziert, aber Ich will lernen. Es ist die Tür zu anderen Sprachen.
Bueno, si no soy un as en Alemán, tengo poco vocabulario y la gramática es complicada pero quien sabe si algún día de estos los sorprendo con un post en alemán.
Bueno creo que he decidido cual va a ser mi cuarto lenguajes: Francés. Digamos que hay motivación. Vas-y.
That's why is important speaking several languages, and now I think I'm fluent in two different languages: English and Spanish, but I'm desperate to speak a third and maybe a fourth languages, and my target for a third language is German. The most interesting thing about German is that it's not related with Latin, and that's why it's not as easy as Portuguese or Italian for a spanish speaker. It's not like I think Portuguese or Italian are easy, but when I'm reading some text in those languages I can understand like the 90%. It's no the case in German, it's a challenge.
Deutsch ist eine großen language. Es ist kompliziert, aber Ich will lernen. Es ist die Tür zu anderen Sprachen.
Bueno, si no soy un as en Alemán, tengo poco vocabulario y la gramática es complicada pero quien sabe si algún día de estos los sorprendo con un post en alemán.
Bueno creo que he decidido cual va a ser mi cuarto lenguajes: Francés. Digamos que hay motivación. Vas-y.
viernes, 21 de enero de 2011
Save something from yourself
Traveling to Montería having so few hours before coming back to this point lost in the map, was a risky decision. Having in mind all what could go wrong, it is like a miracle that everything came up so great, that as far it's my best trip of the year and I was in Medellin this year.
I arrived late, like 5 pm and I had someone waiting for me, that´s why the first thing I did was getting something for them. The Iced-tea that leaded us to meet, and the usual chocolate...then the phone rang, it was them...they were across the street with somebody else, I was feeling uncomfortable, but I remembered I had talked to their companion, and it was a really cool person, lovely, caring... anyway but for some reason I was feeling not that easy.
I crossed the street and yes, i was afraid, they had told me I looked so different in my facebook pics that it was hard to tell how I'd look face to face...and well... I crossed the street, and I could see them both, it was weird. Then we decided to hang out for a while and things got easier, but I´m not that cool when meeting people for the first time, but I didn´t wanna look like that, so I tried to talk, and having the girl by my side was real helpful.
Then, real cool things happening, but the top moment of the night was when I was told -in british accent by the way- "you´re a giver, but you should´t be, SAVE SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF" and that was the best advice I´ve got in years I think, maybe I want to please other people instead of me, but maybe that´s the problem, once I´ve given everything, I´m not interesting anymore.
I had to say that discussing with my best friend the same day wasn´t helping that much, I was distracted, and I didn´t want to look distracted...but thank God, I called him and we´re friends again. Waking up was hard, i knew I had to go back to Sincelejo, but I didn´t know it was gonna be that way. I didn´t wanna go, I wanna spend more hours, lying there, feeling the way I was feeling, but duty calls, and I have a responsability even when it´s not the kind of responsability I'd like to have... and then sleeping the whole way to Sincelejo, and being the messenger for people in this town didn´t leave anytime to rest, and then the whole way to this place, again, in the middle of nowhere, far way from the things and people I care about. It´s very hard. I got dreams.
domingo, 16 de enero de 2011
Poisoned Tweets
Not everybody you meet in Twitter is good people, some months ago, just after I had to switch my previous account to the new one, I met a two characters, I thought they lived in the same town I live, or I used to live since I'm now in this lost spot on the map. Well I met these two characters and so, it was cool.
But then I made the serious mistake of following friends of one of this two characters, so I started to talk more often with one, let's call them MA, MA, just like me is a BB user so we shared PINs and we started some kind of friendship, very cool in the begining and even there was plans for meeting and partying together, he even asked for my CV, which now I considered a mistake from me sending it to them just right over.
In some point, MA had the confidence (or the impudence) to confess that they used to consume drugs, and not one kind of drug but a wide range of very dangerous drugs, since that day nothing was the same, and after several weeks of silence, they just stopped following me, deleted me from their BBM and it was like we never met. Something I really hate it's people leaving with no explanation, but maybe for this wrong and damaged people they just don't need reasons, they're screwed up.
Well, weeks later feeling lonely in this real jungle, I decided to create another blog with an attached twitter account to talk about stuff I don't want anybody to relate it to me, well I used the database of people in my main twitter acount and the MB the second friend, showed up, it seems they were so horny about my avatar that they felt interested enough to keep sending DMs to me. I fell in the same trick, it was a huge mistake, we started talking by Gtalk, but it seems I released too much info, and they caught me.
It seems they were happy to let me go, but I knew from a very good source that MB was in the same path than MA, drugs, alcohol, cigarrets, and for some reason I think they got some kind of joke about me, well it's not like I care because I know I'm not gonna be in their way or they in my way never, I just want God can help them to get out of that life full of hurtful things, this post is the last time I'm gonna talk about them because they don't deserve anything from me, not my time or my energy. I hope they have enough drugs to go on.
But then I made the serious mistake of following friends of one of this two characters, so I started to talk more often with one, let's call them MA, MA, just like me is a BB user so we shared PINs and we started some kind of friendship, very cool in the begining and even there was plans for meeting and partying together, he even asked for my CV, which now I considered a mistake from me sending it to them just right over.
In some point, MA had the confidence (or the impudence) to confess that they used to consume drugs, and not one kind of drug but a wide range of very dangerous drugs, since that day nothing was the same, and after several weeks of silence, they just stopped following me, deleted me from their BBM and it was like we never met. Something I really hate it's people leaving with no explanation, but maybe for this wrong and damaged people they just don't need reasons, they're screwed up.
Well, weeks later feeling lonely in this real jungle, I decided to create another blog with an attached twitter account to talk about stuff I don't want anybody to relate it to me, well I used the database of people in my main twitter acount and the MB the second friend, showed up, it seems they were so horny about my avatar that they felt interested enough to keep sending DMs to me. I fell in the same trick, it was a huge mistake, we started talking by Gtalk, but it seems I released too much info, and they caught me.
It seems they were happy to let me go, but I knew from a very good source that MB was in the same path than MA, drugs, alcohol, cigarrets, and for some reason I think they got some kind of joke about me, well it's not like I care because I know I'm not gonna be in their way or they in my way never, I just want God can help them to get out of that life full of hurtful things, this post is the last time I'm gonna talk about them because they don't deserve anything from me, not my time or my energy. I hope they have enough drugs to go on.
viernes, 14 de enero de 2011
Sorry I'm Not Perfect
It seems somebody is blaming me for everything what happened last december when we were making plans to live together somewhere else, away from this place where I'm stuck now, those was hard weeks for me I was supposed to deliver a lot of documents for the evaluation of the end of the end of the year, plus I had to consolidate the final grades for 250 students, and plus I was physically exhausted because I was not feeling healthy those days.
But it seems that somebody who wasn't doing nothing better than sleeping,eating and going to swim, decided I had nothing better to do that finding apartments in Bogotá, and I guess he thought I had the whole time in the world because I used to spend time tweeting, which I used to do to relax, and I did it from my phone, I actually tried to find an internet station where I could be searching, but a) it was really fucking hard to find an internet station in this jungle and b) I have absolutely no experience finding apartments.
After 9 months where we were supposed to wait to be together, it seems this "somebody" decided that waiting for me was not right and flew away, the same day I was supposed to come back to my home, and I was gonna be free, but somobody didn't think about it. Later somebody said that it was an issue about pills, because taking a subsititute for Prozac was getting into their system. Ok, again I can't trust somebody who uses Prozac to avoid depression, please, Prozac? Seriously? There's something wrong about somebody here and it's not me.
I'm guessing somebody feels so bad about his body and his looks that needs pills to avoid feeling "miserable", again that's not the kind of person I need by my side, specially when for me looks it's not such a fucking big deal.
Well, life is interesting and when somebody leaves, others come and they have a lot more to offer than a poisoned body and soul. Sorry, but that's the truth. And also, using a friend of mine to show they're right, don't insult my intelligence, more when with a simple phone call I could tell that was a fucking lie. I'm not saying I had no responsability for anything, maybe I should stop all this crazyness on time, but sorry I can't be perfect.
But it seems that somebody who wasn't doing nothing better than sleeping,eating and going to swim, decided I had nothing better to do that finding apartments in Bogotá, and I guess he thought I had the whole time in the world because I used to spend time tweeting, which I used to do to relax, and I did it from my phone, I actually tried to find an internet station where I could be searching, but a) it was really fucking hard to find an internet station in this jungle and b) I have absolutely no experience finding apartments.
After 9 months where we were supposed to wait to be together, it seems this "somebody" decided that waiting for me was not right and flew away, the same day I was supposed to come back to my home, and I was gonna be free, but somobody didn't think about it. Later somebody said that it was an issue about pills, because taking a subsititute for Prozac was getting into their system. Ok, again I can't trust somebody who uses Prozac to avoid depression, please, Prozac? Seriously? There's something wrong about somebody here and it's not me.
I'm guessing somebody feels so bad about his body and his looks that needs pills to avoid feeling "miserable", again that's not the kind of person I need by my side, specially when for me looks it's not such a fucking big deal.
Well, life is interesting and when somebody leaves, others come and they have a lot more to offer than a poisoned body and soul. Sorry, but that's the truth. And also, using a friend of mine to show they're right, don't insult my intelligence, more when with a simple phone call I could tell that was a fucking lie. I'm not saying I had no responsability for anything, maybe I should stop all this crazyness on time, but sorry I can't be perfect.
miércoles, 12 de enero de 2011
Nothing Important Happened Today (Or Yesterday)
Yesterday was pretty much a regular, lame day, I was actually looking for a plan to access internet from home, but it was useless, it seems there's no good plan without attachments for a fucking year...plus I was looking for a gym but for some reason there was no way I could meet the guy there, so I couldn't find out for a good way to lose the extra pounds I got... plus I was failing in my new year new moto "Don´t be lazy, work harder" yes and because of that, it was matter of time that my blackberry fell to the floor and just as I tweeted, it hurted more than a renal colic, there's no TV in the place where I live so my afternoons are pretty much very boring, and without the internet, it's very hard to do something useful, even when I should be working in the stuff I'm gonna do in the weeks to come. Also I found that my sleeping is fucked up, I should stop doing things that hurt me like eating at night, cause then I´m waking up all night and then in the morning I feel kinda tired. So, it´s going to be soon the day I´m gonna have to face my fate again, I really hope it´s not gonna be that hard.
martes, 11 de enero de 2011
Memories from Medellín
Once you are in Medellin, you feel different, and the feeling as the days goes by is "Hell, this is another world", I couldn´t stop recalling a sentence from Jorge Franco in his masterpiece Rosario Tijeras about people from the hills going to downtown in Medellin and comparing the experience with going to Miami, and I have to say the guy is fucking right...Medellín is closer to the first world, closer than any town in Colombia I'm afraid, including Bogota. The transportation, the people, the place itself, it´s all you need to see to feel you are not in Kansas anymore.
It´s funny that I left home with my head totally screwed up by the fact I was coming back to a place that to me is pretty much like a damn fucking hell, instead of a nice place to live. But in the moment I was in the station to take the boat it was like, “Shit! It´s not that bad after all” it seems that my workmates are not part (well at least not all of them) of the dark demon that haunts me here in this purgatory.
It wasn´t a funny trip but at least they made me realize they are there to support me, and I wish they can do it this year because I´m gonna need them.
It was surprising the water is getting dry, the river around this town is fading, and yes as crazy as it might sound, that´s bad news, because there´s not gonna be any way to leave this town, coz the land road is still fucked up, meaning there some bridges broken and a lot of mud all over the path.
So, I got here, the same house, the same room, the same people, the same food, the same issues, but at least I´m more used to the things I´m doing here, consisting in taking care of the basic things, like cleaning my underwear, or keeping my room in order, things I don´t use to do in my mother´s house.
Also I have to keep drinking healthy water, because for some reason the water here makes me sick, so tomorrow is gonna be the first day in my job, I don´t know what´s coming but I hope things aren´t getting uglier so early.
Sorrounded by Mountains, you feel like "Oh God, I'm in some kind of bowl" but it´s a lovely bowl. For somebody like me, I think Medellin got everything I would possibly need, well now the chances for me to go living there are closer to... well zero, but never say never, I¨m not gonna stop dreaming, because by the end of the day is the only thing that allows me to escape from here.
It´s funny that I left home with my head totally screwed up by the fact I was coming back to a place that to me is pretty much like a damn fucking hell, instead of a nice place to live. But in the moment I was in the station to take the boat it was like, “Shit! It´s not that bad after all” it seems that my workmates are not part (well at least not all of them) of the dark demon that haunts me here in this purgatory.
It wasn´t a funny trip but at least they made me realize they are there to support me, and I wish they can do it this year because I´m gonna need them.
It was surprising the water is getting dry, the river around this town is fading, and yes as crazy as it might sound, that´s bad news, because there´s not gonna be any way to leave this town, coz the land road is still fucked up, meaning there some bridges broken and a lot of mud all over the path.
So, I got here, the same house, the same room, the same people, the same food, the same issues, but at least I´m more used to the things I´m doing here, consisting in taking care of the basic things, like cleaning my underwear, or keeping my room in order, things I don´t use to do in my mother´s house.
Also I have to keep drinking healthy water, because for some reason the water here makes me sick, so tomorrow is gonna be the first day in my job, I don´t know what´s coming but I hope things aren´t getting uglier so early.
And in the case that money, or time prevents me from living there, there´s always a chance to pay visit to this lovely town, where a lot of things to do and to see. Just an advice, be careful to enjoy your experience, as I said before, once in Medellin, you´re not in Kansas anymore.
The Travel
It´s funny that I left home with my head totally screwed up by the fact I was coming back to a place that to me is pretty much like a damn fucking hell, instead of a nice place to live. But in the moment I was in the station to take the boat it was like, “Shit! It´s not that bad after all” it seems that my workmates are not part (well at least not all of them) of the dark demon that haunts me here in this purgatory.
It wasn´t a funny trip but at least they made me realize they are there to support me, and I wish they can do it this year because I´m gonna need them.
It was surprising the water is getting dry, the river around this town is fading, and yes as crazy as it might sound, that´s bad news, because there´s not gonna be any way to leave this town, coz the land road is still fucked up, meaning there some bridges broken and a lot of mud all over the path.
So, I got here, the same house, the same room, the same people, the same food, the same issues, but at least I´m more used to the things I´m doing here, consisting in taking care of the basic things, like cleaning my underwear, or keeping my room in order, things I don´t use to do in my mother´s house.
Also I have to keep drinking healthy water, because for some reason the water here makes me sick, so tomorrow is gonna be the first day in my job, I don´t know what´s coming but I hope things aren´t getting uglier so early.
lunes, 10 de enero de 2011
Lost in Nowhere
I have no strength to keep on, I'm tired, frustrated and definitely gone. I'm not in my body now, I'm just a ghost moving around just watching how the things around me seems to start in motion, while I stay still, just waiting by the second to meet with those I don't wanna meet, those lost in the middle of nowhere where I'm less than nobody and where I shouldn't be at all, it's not that I think I'm better than anyone else in anywhere in the world, I just think I deserve better, not being in the middle of a sandwich where I'm attacked everywhere, where not even my body feels good, coz it seems to get sick just by being there, so it's not surprise. I don't care what the benefits are or aren't, I just wanna do the things I like, even for few money , then I'll be happy.
But maybe I wasn't born to be happy, or to make anybody happy, I'm just meant to fail in everything I want to do, in everything I like, I got potential when I was young, but maybe I wasn't strong enough to fight my own fate, or maybe I didn't want to leave my comfort zone, but now that comfort zone has become a torture zone, where every little second is like one billion neddles get into my body making me bleed.
What's the point of all of these? If things keep going like this, I won't have any reason to keep going, I won't. If only I could have one motive, one reason, but I don't see any light in the future to come, I just stuck, like a little mouse in a dead end street, and the worst is I can't go out, coz the wolves are outside. I would fight the wolves but again I'm not strong enough to fight them. And that's because I have nobody by my side.
Definitely I gotta do something, but I don't know what...
martes, 4 de enero de 2011
Dos semanas de Tour por el Caribe Colombiano
Fue sorpresivo para mi saber que me tendrían en cuenta para un contrato, pequeño eso sí, pero al menos un contrato que me permitiría viajar por la Costa Caribe, con la mayoría de los gastos pagos, para tomar unos datos de ciertos puntos de la geografía costeña.
No era la primera vez, de hecho ya había hecho dicho recorrido anteriormente, pero en aquel entonces estaba mucho más "pollo" mucho menos preparado para enfrentarme al mundo solo y no solo eso sino que mi jefe metió la pata varias veces con el calendario de visitas. Ahora yo sugerí todo practicamente. Empecé por Córdoba, luego Cartagena, Barranquilla, Riohacha, y finalmente Sta. Marta.
Aunque me quedó más bien poco tiempo para salir y conocer, al menos si pude recorrer dichos lúgares dentro de una perspectiva diferente. Estar sentado en un bus mirando por la ventana es definitivamente un gran placer para mi, y allí precisamente pude ver lo hermosa que es mi región. Desde las llanuras del San Jorge hasta los acantilados que crean las estribaciones de la Sierra Nevada cuando entra con fuerza en el océano. Conocí incluso nuevos amigos, con los que ya había hablado pero que no conocía en persona.
No puedo imaginar como tenemos tanto y tan poco a la vez. Todos los lugares que visité son enclaves de riqueza, generadores de empleo eso sí, pero al mismo tiempo generando un circulo cerrado donde solo entran unos pocos privilegiados, por tanto no parece tan loco eso que muchos dicen que están explotando nuestros recursos, sacándolos de nuestra tierra y ganan todos, en Bogotá, en Estados Unidos, en Europa y ¿Que hay del Caribe?
Tal vez un día me anime a hacer ese recorrido con mi propio esfuerzo, para poder tomar el pulso como debe ser, observando, registrando, escribiendo.
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