Unerträglich (Away from the Sun)

Just as I thought, today was NOT an easy day. Even though it started quite well, and my boss didn't come like a demon, it was just matter of time for one of my enemies to show up. Yes, in the meeting he was just recalling not everybody was in the parades and not everybody was taking care of what we were supposed to take care, and yes it seems it's me the target, why don't they say finally that since I got here, the whole place went to hell, just say it, and maybe I decide to give up and leave this fucking town for good, at the end of the day, this is not a place I want to be in, and they're totally right when they say (not directly though) that I'm here just to earn the money, yes that's the only reason I'm here, there's no way I would be here, just in the middle of a fucking, down-to-hell jungle, in the middle of nowhere just to make best friends with anybody, which I know it won't happen...my life here is just an infinite pause of my actual life that is in fact far away from here, and I'm just borrowing my body so the actual me got a chance in the real world. That's so true.

The day could be worst, I know, but it's the constant criticism, the voices, the noise, those people, everything as a whole is a damn hell, and being away from home is not actually helping, and having in mind I HAVE to be in Sincelejo to do some things for my telephone (got issues) or my education (it's stuck) my boss decided change the rules and now I'm not leaving this fucking town on Friday, but maybe, just maybe on Tuesday which sucksssssssss as hell...

I feel lonely, no friends, no family, none supporting me, and in a permanent state of pause, this is one of those day where I wanna run, run away from here, run away, and leave this for good, I wanna cry, I'm done, it's unbearable, I hope this all hell at least gets a little bit better, and I can find if not happinnes, at least some peace.

The Next Step To Follow

I've been alone for a while, a long while and I don't know if somehow I'm meant to be with somebody, somebody to be with me supporting me, but for some reason I think that I'm good, when they know me first, but once they get to know me, it seems they don't like me anymore. Now I'm dating someone, very weird I gotta say, not in a bad sense, weird in a way that it's someone who doesn't follow the same rules when trying to find someone to date.

Last weekend we were together spending time in a kinda risky situation...this weekend we both are here in this town. Yesterday I left after midday, I was expecting the travel, long travel from the jungle, dust, mud, water, and then rain, the rain is coming very early when it usually comes at mid april or something, it's march and it's starting to rain almost everyday. We were afraid that the rain might fuck up the travel, but it didn´t.

Some of the guys who were with me in the car are kinda funny, I wish I was so outgoing. Then after 5 hours maybe more, I got here, this house, where I'm so happy so easy, where I can find myself, away from the jungle and the consequences of being living there. It's like I never left, I was in the motorbike watching the houses and the businesses and nothing feels different, everything feels the same.

Then I wanted to update my cellphone, but I couldn't so I decided to go to the mall and watching a movie, with my date, so we were, mistake number one, the movie sucked, sanctum, please, mistake number two, we didn't have a plan to be together that night. I like being in this house sleeping here, I didn´t want to be away from here, you know?

So no plans to fuck, no plans for the night, I wasn't in the mood for beer or alcohol, so what was next? go back home to sleep, so then I woke up this morning, I did some laundry and finally I could update my phone, it was like discovering America, I learnt a lot of things, and I got the app I was looking for my phone, though I want to change it, a change for an Android, the only bad thing is no PIN :( I was getting used to it.

About my friend, he accepted me back on BBMsn, I congratulated him for his graduation, but I understand he doesn't wanna see me yet, but I wanna insist, maybe someday we can talk together, and made things up.

I got some of the stuff I needed, and again it's like money was an illusion but I gotta keep on with it. maybe saving some, maybe making a plan, but I want some things I need, though I know those things won't make me happy, experiences are, and being in the jungle itself is an experience, the only thing is I want to be able to fit better, and do my job better, last week there was my enemy trying to throw the dirt on me, he's powerful, it's gonna be hard, almost impossible to beat him, but let's see what's coming.

And again it's interesting how some people want to contact you just because you have something they may use, but I´ve grown up and I'm not the same, I think that the boy and the teenager are behind, it's time to be a man.