Changing Paradox

Yes, I'm changing, these days I feel like I wasn't the same guy I used to be...and this is town is doing it, slowly, progressively, step by step, and I'm not sure if that's for good or for bad, I wanna be just a normal and regular man, an ordinary person, but on the other hand I want to travel to know new places, I want people to know what I think and there's a serious contradiction there, but suddenly all that belongs to the past...I got things to think about, responsabilities and I do want to take them, but maybe I'm just another Mamma's boy...

My mom tried to made my sister and I to take responsability for us, but when the dynamics of our family was changing dramatically when, well that's not something I wanna talk about, but there was too little for us to do, and she took extreme care of us, when we just could take care of everything, me being sick with kidney stones made things worst (or better some may think) in that moment I wanted to be protected but nobody could understand what I was suffering, maybe just mom, she was there with me all the time, by my bed, taking care of me, and I have to say if I were alone so fucking alone there, probably I'd be dead now...

But now I think it's my time to make my choices, to be me, to feel fucking free, and it's like my feet were stuck somewhere, coz I know if something happens to me NOBODY besides my family would come to save me, to protect me, what's the next step, what should I do, I need them, but I need them away I want to be protected, but I wanna be free, free like a bird.

It's a fucking paradox, and now I should be sleeping, to rest these weekends hadn't been really good to rest, and I need to sleep, I want to sleep, so I need my head to be clean and focused, that's gonna be the next step, and the anstinence that doesn't help at all... damn.