Achtzehn Monate

Ich bin wieder hier. In this town that I'm not feeling mine anymore, and it's like something is feeling wrong, I feel like a stranger, I don't feel easy here, everything is stressful and vain, all comes down to nothing. Last Friday I woke up at 4 am in the morning, ready to leave the fucking jungle astupind going back home. Problem is Home is not the proper word for this place, my town, my parents' house, everything is feeling absolutely strange.

The same day I barely had lunch and the responsability called my door...I need money and there's a way to get it but I'm gonna be attached to a bank for eighteen months...one year and a half, and the worst part is fuckkkkk I don't feel like getting compromises, a year and a half is a long time, anything can happen and I'm there, engaged, there's no way I could run away, away from everything that is killing me slowly, I can see it in the mirror now, I'm not eighteen anymore, I'm getting older by the day and I haven't gotten anything I could considerer meaningful, but I can choose living a life that worths living even if I'm in the jungle, or if I'm here...where my brain doesn't work properly...here I feel blocked, I have no peace, this house is not quite enough...there's noise everytime, the tv, the people, it's not a silence around and I feel stressed because of that.

Next week is gonna be important, I'm gonna be free for 10 days (or more it depends) and I wanna do some things I like, partyin, knowing new places, fuck, all those things I do like to do and that according to me makes life worth living.

Don't Rain On My Parade

And it didn't. And actually it wasn't my parade. It was this town parade, it was this town's birthday and they celebrated it, yesterday the 20th of May with a a parade, and oh surprise, I had to attend, for much of my dismay, well not that much and even in this moment I'm listening the music of the second parade, yes, today the 21th, well yesterday the day started kinda late for me, reason? well I woke up late, and I took my shower later, but it happened it didn't matter too much, I was late and it happened I was on time to start the parade...and yes there was a lot of people walking along the town, too much if you ask me, and starting 8am til almost 11 am and listening martial bands mixed with folk music all along the walking wasn't that cool, and plus I had to work? No way...I decided taking pictures was much better plan for that parade, so here they are some pics...

the afternoon? pretty much going to the place I work pretending doing something when I actually didn't do anything, I was just there standing, at least I was there, some did bother to go even to see if something was needed for the today's parade, the same parade I'm listening now...the rest of the day, just Internet, my addiction is growing by the day and I'm not sleeping well, and that sucks, I need to sleep more when next week is going to be a convulted one when a lot of things will be set up, I hope things go well, but that depends on my boss...which I heard it wasn't that happy yesterday fuckkkkk

Bored Weekend, Android and Three (or Four) Weeks to Go and the Gone Ones

Well, it's been a while since I posted my more recent entry on this blog...well I will have to summarize it.

Well last friday it was time to go to Sincelejo, it wasn't that exciting, just like I supposed, when I finished my job I have to run (as usual) to finish packing, so the car wasn't leaving me behind... that was the easy part, when we were on the road, after like 15 minutes, the car suddenly stopped, and that delayed us a little bit more...well but that wasn't the crappy part, when we get the place where the road was broken (by the water, remember?) we had to jump onto a boat, bad news?, there was nothing to protect us from the harsh sun of mid-afternoon and we were in that boat like 2 hours, under the cruel tropical sun, not that funny, I have to say. Well, later the trip by car again to Sincelejo, long enough and of course expansive enough as well, I got home like 8:30, very tired.

Well but I was tired, very tired not only coz of the crappy trip...I couldn't sleep not even the thursday (thor's day now I know) or friday, why? I wanted my Android phone...and I was completely stressed, I wanted a real good phone, and the best choice to go was the Motorola Defy, a very good Android Phone, but there was also the LG Optimus One, cheaper, but less handy than the Motorola Defy... I was in very stupid confusion, one hour I was completely sure I wanted the LG Optimus One, and the next one I was completely sure I wanted the Motorola Defy...when I was in the store, I could finally, finally got rid of the plan with the BlackBerry 9630 I had... and it was time to choose...I wanted the LG Optimus One but when I got the prize it was only 90.000 cheaper than the Motorola Defy, and sorry but I don't want to regret later for not having a completely better phone (water resitant and against hits) for less than 45 US Dollars, sorry but no...

I got my Android finally...but also I got out of cash I only have coins to finish this month, but this weekend is the 15th and is just like two weeks more to hold it on, and then I hope to be free, but you never know if I'm gonna stay here three of four weeks more.

A lot (well only two) of my workmates got the chance to leave this jungle, it's great news for them, I hope there will be that chance for me too, it's not such a great idea staying here for longer...this crappy place is getting shittier by the day...but you never know what the future is coming over...and yes I'm sleeping very well, I think I'm sleeping too much, long naps and stuff...well I think the title was long... but that was all I have to say.

PD. I just got a very sexy phone call, I'll keep you posted lol.

Zeit (O la falta de el)

Últimamente he sentido que el tiempo transcurre de una manera diferente. It's not like it's going faster or slower, coz here in this fucking place, the pace of time is always lower than I could expect, and yes, it's not about pace, it's about ammount.

Or maybe I'm not used to spend time, I mean quality time with the people I love, or well let's not talk about love, the people I care, thing is living my real life in Sincelejo, or anywhere else outside here is almost impossible since I got only 48 hours when I leave here to go there. Some people may think I'm some kind of ungrateful bastard, which I'm not (or at least not trying to be), but thing is when I'm stuck in this place my life is a permanent pause state.

That's why my life is so fucking accelerate when I go to Sincelejo, me sleeping, is a luxury I can't afford, I tried to spend my time very carefully doing the kind of things I do like, but it happens is so much, that actually time is not enough. Zeit ist nicht Genug. Espero que la próxima vez que vaya a Sincelejo, o cualquier lugar donde la civilización SI exista, pueda aprovechar mi tiempo y que al menos esa vez mi tiempo rinda.

Every Single Day...

Every single day in this place looks exactly the same: waking up very early in the morning, gotta take my soap and my stuff to take a "shower" while it's still dark, I say "Good Morning" to the landlady and then I start thinking about how the hell I got here, meaning fuck, I was abroad when it turned out I had to be working here, then I try to clean the dirty I got in the night.

Then, I go to my room, where I dress up, I see all my clothes hanging from a rope, and it loosk like my life is so tiny that it´s  in that small and simple room, with no luxury, and that´s just me, brushing and washing my teeth, but I´m not sure why I should be taking care of me, I don´t wanna look hot in here, it´s maybe I had so nice things to do, that begging that my toothpaste and my washing can actually get whiter can actually being something real cool.

I´m dressed up and then I have to go for breakfast, it´s a simple food, and as usual, when I´m done having my breakfast I have to go...then I´m walking in the street, 4 blocks to the place I have to spend 6 hours, it doesn't look like that much, when you´re going to stand people, and not to work in something you may like, it looks like you´re going down to hell, when I get the door, I remember the first time I got here, I was happy, I had hope, it wasn´t that horrible then, I had something to lie on, something to be faithful to, I had a life, back there where somebody was there for me, ready to do whatever to have with them.

I walk inside and then, it´s usual laugh and pain, both sides, but tha laugh is like there´s nothing else to do but laugh, just go for it, and then facing what I don´t wanna face, but it´s not that I might not like doing what I do, it´s just some of them are so reluctant to grow...that it gets me, it hurts me, it fucking drains my energy and my will.
And, for instance...given the fact I´m gonna stay here for a month is not helping, every single time I want to feel kinda good I have to go to Sincelejo because here, here there´s absolutely nothing I might like, it´s so fucking far away from everywhere, that it´s not like I want to be there all the time, and I wanna run even though it´s gonna be a hard and long way...maybe someday I´d like to run it by foot, lol, maybe it´s not that hard or not that long.

If things were so easy...when I leave this place, I have like 30 or 45 minutes to be online, and then go back to have my lunch, and then it´s work, work, work, or working out, and it sucks my energy in every possible way but somehow I know it´s good to me...then back to dinner, watching some TV, maybe listening music, then more work and finally when I go back to my hammock, I´m thinking the day is going to repeat all over and over again, and that maybe I´m not gonna have the energy to hold on...or maybe, just maybe I am.