As far as it goes, it seems the future of this country is going to hell, and yes, I think the best idea now, it's just you know getting into another career, coz kids now, they don't learn, and they are totally against education.
But that's not my fucking problem, that's their problem as far as they don't become a pain in the ass to me, but let's see the positive about it. They won't become a potential threat to me, coz they're so fucking stupid, so fucking incognizant, that the few people able to make it to the end of secondary school won't have any threat to them in the future to come.
What's been up in the latest days? Well not that much, I just realized that having kids sucks, coz kids now are so rebel and so stubborn that the best thing to do in order not to have problems with them is not having them at all, what else? I decided to change the theme of my wordpress blog, and I stayed here in this place until like midday, and it was the first time I sent money from here to another place.
Oh yes, how to forget that louzy hours in monday afternoon, when I spent two or three hours waiting for like 20 bucks, so lame, so fucking lame, where is my patience going to? The holy week is about to come, less days, but still enough to think it's fucking far far away, fuck! fuck! fuck!
The worst about today is they're telling me I'm not doing a good job, but fuck, I'm not gonna hurt myself, I have to think about how exactly I'm going to finish this second quarter of the year, but I ain't gonna help them or doing some cooperative work, when I'm usually taken aside, but that's the way it goes. What's the next step to follow? I'm not sure, but something I gotta do, something I gotta be doing in the next weeks to come.
1. Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
2. I'm So Tired - The Beattles
3. Everybody Hurts - REM
4. Everytime - Britney Spears
5. Relax (Take it easy) - Mika
6. Seconds of Pleasure - Van Hunt
7. So Sick - Ne-yo
8. Go Down - AC/DC
9. Lucky - Jason Marz ft. Colbie Caillat
10. Thriller - Michael Jackson
11.Algo Está Cambiando - Julieta Venegas
12.Mama said Knock you out - LL Cool J
13.Not Afraid - Eminem
14.Right Here - Staind
15.Photograph - Nickelback
16. I dreamed a dream - Susan Boyle
17. Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
18. Beautiful Life - Ace of Base
19. Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
20. Under Pressure - Queen
21. That's what you get - Paramore
22. Stuck in a moment - U2
23. Too Close - Next
Solamente es el primer día y ya estoy extenuando. Es increíble lo que 6 horas en este lugar le hacen a tu mente, a tu espíritu, a tu estructura. Pensar que falta dos semanas completas para salir de este hueco es indescriptiblemente doloroso, a veces me pregunto si este es alguna clase de castigo perenne por algún pecado mio, o peor de mis padres, o mis abuelos, los días y las horas aquí permanentemente destruyen mi motivación y mis ganas de continuar.
But there´s another way to see it. I´m so fucking eager to leave this shitty town that every second is very tiring and exhausting for me, and the worst part is maybe it is getting to my kids, no I'm not a father, and I'm not gonna talk about what I do for a living but it´s easy to figure out, today they told me I´m not a good leader, well not in those words, but that was the common thought about me.
Ich möchte ihnen zu verstehen, Ich bin aus Fleish und Blut wie sie gemacht. Ich bin nur ein Mensch. Allein.
Les amis et les amants, ils vont et viennent. Pero yo sigo aquí destruyendome poco a poco. Como una hoja de papel a merced del fuego, desvaneciendome poco a poco, sintiendo el tiempo pasar en vano, dejandome ninguna satisfacción y si acaso, alguna que otra dicha instantánea, y sobre todo la mala voluntad de aquellos que tienen algo que ver conmigo.
Extraño a mi familia, mi cuarto, mis cosas, extraño poder ver las cosas que me gustan a la hora que me gustan, extraño ser solo yo, porque siento que cada día que pasa, muto en una entidad diferente y fantasmagórica. If only I could be strong enough to take this. I'm in a fucking sandwich where I've been pulled by every end, and my arms can't hold on.
I breathe and I feel I'm fading, every little second, little by little, piece by piece. Ich brauche Liebe.
I need to get out of here! yes, this is what I need to do and what I need to do now, but it's gonna take a whole week before I can take off, for a few days from this fucking jungle that got me sick and tired, but before all that I gotta do a lot of things more and it's hardcore stuff, I will have to deal with some parents, most of them skilled teachers and I'm afraid I can't deal with them, and I will have to talk about a lot of issues and situations with the kids. But that's almost the last thing so I will have to have a script or something to be able to talk in that meeting.
Second, painting the room, yes I have to paint the room, but not my bedroom but the room where I'm supposed to work, and it's like 50 bucks I'm spending there to finish it, God but well I got this coming, coz I was the first one, I decided to be in charge of those kids, so now I'm their older bro, coz I don't wanna think I'm their father.
It's gonna be one quarter of the time I'm supposed to work in here, this year at least, so I have to make a report this Friday, it's gonna be long and hard work, but I think I can take it, I hope nothing like the electricity fails, coz yes, today there was no electricity in this fucking town, no internet, no electricity and no phones, although the company with no lines was Comcel, and I have a Tigo line, the rest of this town uses Comcel, so I couldn't find the guy to do the painting in the room, and finally my battery was exhausted, I couldn't do anything.
And again thanks to my ability in english, I got this modem to use it all night long, but well tomorrow is a new day and it's another day, I have to wait and see what's coming tomorrow.
Sigh! It's very, very hard to me staying here for another week, but it's not because of the town itself it's because of the chance of leaving for a few days, but leaving to stay home for a few days, and the chance of having a new adventure at home, or simply just staying in the computer blogging, watching videos or listening music. And it's exactly when those days are about to come when I feel more anxious to get there, and the days goes by so fucking slowly that the seconds seem minutes, and the minutes hours, and the hours days, and the days weeks and the weeks, months, yes that long it feels.
Well I was about to paint the room I'm taking care of but oh surprise, the painting wasn't the right one, and even the guy who was painting the place didn't show up, so it seems the room is gonna be paintless another week more, depending on what's gonna happen tomorrow, and I really, really hope so tomorrow is gonna be a really soft day, and not a hard one, because I'm not in the mood to care that much tomorrow, I've been lazy, and my support to create the guide to work won't be here so I'm gonna be on my own, pretty much.
And in other completely different news, I just watched a tv show about Russia, definitely one place to go before I die, I'd really like to go there one day and see with my own eyes the snow, the forests, feel the cool with my own skin, I really like cold places, and I do want to live for a long term in a cold place, now it's like impossible to do it, but maybe sooner than I think I'm gonna be free to do it, and about the visa, well that leaves me with no options. But you never know, life is kinda tricky you know, and things never happen the way we expect, so I have to wait and see how the things go.
Nothing is eternal, I have to say, maybe we have a job today, a life, a room, but next one we may be going somewhere else, and maybe like is more interesting that way, if things were eternal, every decision would be a chain we had to carry forever. That's why I think life is more interesting when we're unsure of about to come, but on the other hand, being so quiet as I am, I don't go for it. Maybe I'm lucky to be here, even when things seem to go hard and horrible somedays, but what comforts me is the fact I'm not hurting me.
It's time to make some choices, and that's why I need my free days at home, to think and to do, but we have to wait and see first.
How high is the price we have to pay for the decisions we make, days, months or even years ago? I'm afraid the price is very high. Every decision we make no matter how long it's taking or how big is the impact upon us, there will be consequences.
A couple months ago I decided I was gonna be responsable for a team of people, well I was actually trying to avoid another more dangerous responsability, more unlikely to fulfill, but now I got to say it wasn't a good idea after all, having in mind I could get no responsability at all. But for some reason I took care of them, and it's weird I got so many issues to fall for someone when it's kinda easy for me to care about some children I'm not related to, or even more, that they are not so kind to me often. But it happened to me before, I feel I'm like a big brother to them, I don't wanna say a father, couse I'm not that old, I'm young, and well I think we are in the same page, we have to deal things together, even when they don't want me in that page. Because yes, they don't want me that much, maybe I'm not skilled enough to deal with them, but I do want to try to be their friend, it's so fucking weird I feel that way, when I'm not that friendly.
Well, thing is I'm gonna have to cover their asses, and mine as well, for something we together were supposed to do weeks, or months ago. Well it's not just about money, it's about time, but as I said before, I think it's not that negative for me and the people around for me to stay here for a while, just another weekend as usual.
And yes, I'm gonna have time to tweet, to blog, to be free, but here in this town, where I'm suposed to spend most of the fucking year. So tomorrow is gonna be a new day, and tonight a whole new night for me, just for me. At the end of the day, me and just me is what really matters to me now. But I gotta have in my heart that I feel kind of kind with some people I'm not supposed to care at all, well let's see how the changes go on, and let's see if I can handle to be here, to stay here for longer, or if I have some chances somewhere else.
Esta semana ha sido bastante extraña por decir lo menos, he estado inundado de pereza, de desencanto, de letargo, de ganas de dejarlo todo y mandar todo al infierno, tanto así que he decidido escribir este post en castellano y no en inglés como dictaría la lógica de mi blog.
La cuestión es la siguiente: ¿que tan frecuentemente debería salir de este selvático lugar e ir a mi casa con mi familia, y a mi ciudad? habiendo estado cuatro semanas que no fueron malas, ni más faltaba, me parecía mas bien excesivo, una especie de lujo innecesario, ir a Sincelejo, pero me he dado cuenta que no es mucho lo que voy a hacer allá, además de gastar dinero, casi que ciegamente.
Pero hay un coletazo adicional: mi motivación y mis ganas de quedarme aquí se desvanecen casi que por completo, ya me estaba haciendo a la idea de quedarme aquí por tiempos prolongados, y tal vez por eso creía estar haciendo bien mi trabajo, pero una vez que estoy aquí luego de haber permanecida menos de 100 horas en Sincelejo, son mucho más fuertes las ganas de mandarlo todo al infierno, que las ganas de hacer las cosas bien, se pierde la motivación, lo lógica, las herramientas, pierdo mi energía, pero todo eso podría ser resultado simplemente de que he dejado de ir a hacer ejercicio, ya que cuando lo hacía parecía tener mucha más energía mucha mas entrega. Ahora no sé, me parece a mi que estoy haciendolo todo mal, o al menos no tan bien, como yo mismo debo esperar.
Si fuera otro mas tonto diría, que mi mente esta embotada, (como lo he sentido otra veces) con cosas superficiales, música, internet, televisión, todo menos la razón por la que estoy aquí y por la que debería estar luchando cada segundo, porque debo decir que estoy consciente que mis prioridades, no son las mismas que las de mis compañeros, y que no debería ser así, porque también estoy consciente que mis prioridades están en un orden imposible, estupido, incoherente y autodestructivo. ¿Es mi bioquímica la culpable de mis errores? No lo creo, porque al momento final, soy yo quien tomo mis decisiones y no los procesos electro químicos que tienen lugar en mi cerebro, que revelan mi parte animal, y no mi parte humana.
Error, tras error esta semana, casi igual que el año pasado, muchos errores, quiero no cometer errores, quiero avanzar, pero lo cierto es que quiero ONE WEEK OFF, y esa al final de cuentas es la maldita razón, pero debo acostumbrarme que no puedo descansar cuando me de la hijueputa gana, porque al fin de cuentas eso significa darle herramientas a mis enemigos para que me ataquen, debo dejar la "pingarria" la pereza, la flojera, dar un paso adelante y ser mejor que todo, incluso de las cosas que debo hacer para vivir. Esto no es más na´.
I've been alone for a while, a long while and I don't know if somehow I'm meant to be with somebody, somebody to be with me supporting me, but for some reason I think that I'm good, when they know me first, but once they get to know me, it seems they don't like me anymore. Now I'm dating someone, very weird I gotta say, not in a bad sense, weird in a way that it's someone who doesn't follow the same rules when trying to find someone to date.
Last weekend we were together spending time in a kinda risky situation...this weekend we both are here in this town. Yesterday I left after midday, I was expecting the travel, long travel from the jungle, dust, mud, water, and then rain, the rain is coming very early when it usually comes at mid april or something, it's march and it's starting to rain almost everyday. We were afraid that the rain might fuck up the travel, but it didn´t.
Some of the guys who were with me in the car are kinda funny, I wish I was so outgoing. Then after 5 hours maybe more, I got here, this house, where I'm so happy so easy, where I can find myself, away from the jungle and the consequences of being living there. It's like I never left, I was in the motorbike watching the houses and the businesses and nothing feels different, everything feels the same.
Then I wanted to update my cellphone, but I couldn't so I decided to go to the mall and watching a movie, with my date, so we were, mistake number one, the movie sucked, sanctum, please, mistake number two, we didn't have a plan to be together that night. I like being in this house sleeping here, I didn´t want to be away from here, you know?
So no plans to fuck, no plans for the night, I wasn't in the mood for beer or alcohol, so what was next? go back home to sleep, so then I woke up this morning, I did some laundry and finally I could update my phone, it was like discovering America, I learnt a lot of things, and I got the app I was looking for my phone, though I want to change it, a change for an Android, the only bad thing is no PIN :( I was getting used to it.
About my friend, he accepted me back on BBMsn, I congratulated him for his graduation, but I understand he doesn't wanna see me yet, but I wanna insist, maybe someday we can talk together, and made things up.
I got some of the stuff I needed, and again it's like money was an illusion but I gotta keep on with it. maybe saving some, maybe making a plan, but I want some things I need, though I know those things won't make me happy, experiences are, and being in the jungle itself is an experience, the only thing is I want to be able to fit better, and do my job better, last week there was my enemy trying to throw the dirt on me, he's powerful, it's gonna be hard, almost impossible to beat him, but let's see what's coming.
And again it's interesting how some people want to contact you just because you have something they may use, but I´ve grown up and I'm not the same, I think that the boy and the teenager are behind, it's time to be a man.
It's gonna be a year since the first time I got here, and somehow I managed to complain for every little thing here, maybe. But somehow I haven't managed to admit that there are good things, benefits for being here, and now that there's a big chance that somehow I get removed, it's when I'm scared the most.
At least being here allows me to grow up, to be independent, and if I get home to my parents's house I'm gonna be again totally dependent on them, and I don't want to.
Maybe I shouldn't had done some things, that I wasn't supposed to do, and maybe I wasn't here, maybe I was closer to home and less scared, not afraid of actions from my past.
Then it's gonna be a shame if I'm removed from here, and the whispering behind, because that whispering from another town is what got me scared, 8 people got removed somewhere else, and then I don't know if I'm gonna like being removed from here, coz at least here I got some good things, I could be worst.
Why is good being in Sincelejo with no money? I'm not exactly happy here, but I'm kinda peaceful enough, there's no noise, no pressures, no people with absurde expectations of life, life is harder, but at the same time, easier to live, so I have no option but wait and see, if I have to come back to Sincelejo with shame on me, or staying here, kinda unhappy but safe.
Yes, I'm changing, these days I feel like I wasn't the same guy I used to be...and this is town is doing it, slowly, progressively, step by step, and I'm not sure if that's for good or for bad, I wanna be just a normal and regular man, an ordinary person, but on the other hand I want to travel to know new places, I want people to know what I think and there's a serious contradiction there, but suddenly all that belongs to the past...I got things to think about, responsabilities and I do want to take them, but maybe I'm just another Mamma's boy...
My mom tried to made my sister and I to take responsability for us, but when the dynamics of our family was changing dramatically when, well that's not something I wanna talk about, but there was too little for us to do, and she took extreme care of us, when we just could take care of everything, me being sick with kidney stones made things worst (or better some may think) in that moment I wanted to be protected but nobody could understand what I was suffering, maybe just mom, she was there with me all the time, by my bed, taking care of me, and I have to say if I were alone so fucking alone there, probably I'd be dead now...
But now I think it's my time to make my choices, to be me, to feel fucking free, and it's like my feet were stuck somewhere, coz I know if something happens to me NOBODY besides my family would come to save me, to protect me, what's the next step, what should I do, I need them, but I need them away I want to be protected, but I wanna be free, free like a bird.
It's a fucking paradox, and now I should be sleeping, to rest these weekends hadn't been really good to rest, and I need to sleep, I want to sleep, so I need my head to be clean and focused, that's gonna be the next step, and the anstinence that doesn't help at all... damn.
Yes, I'm gonna talk about alcohol, coz yesterday I was just so fucking thirsty that I just wanted a cool and icy beer, and oh sorprise I got caught in the middle of a reunion and they offered me beer and alcohol, just for free, so when it was time for lunch I could scape...barely...but that wasn't all, yesterday was one of the ladies of the house's birthday and so everybody was expecting a night party... I wanted to workout and I couldn't the drinks got me and I had to come back, just ready for the party, I tried to delay but it was absolutely impossible, I had to be there, and yes I was bored, I laughed coz you now drinks tell you're brain is happy but for some reason my brain refused to believe it, just abut three hours later I went to my bed to sleep, and I prevent my room to be opened from outside, smart hah?
Well, today was another day and there was bad news, no modem, I was gonna spend a boring day, but thanks to the sister of the birthday lady I got a modem, and I could use it all morning long, and write something for my blog, now I've been away from home for two fucking weeks and there are two more to go now, the land road was reopened and it's gonna be a little bit cheaper traveling, but I had no patience and I spent my money at the begining of the month and here I am, I'm coming back home in March, and the worst news is the water is getting me again, I can't believe pain again...I hate pain.
And the last...scary stories it seems the flocklore here is very rich, lots of stories of witches, ghost, and mixed with guerrilla and haunted houses...it's not hard to have an idea...and to finish drinking is not good if you want to workout, today I couldn't finish properly...just to have in mind...and now I'm hearing a kid have a heartache, well 3 minutes to go.
Maldiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiita sea, aveces pienso que soy el tipo más idiota estúpido y además de todo ignorante de todo el mundo. Tal como me dijo mi mamá alguna vez "un tipo que ha estudiado tanto como tu, como puede ser tan bruto", bueno en esa ocasión creo que tenía mucha razón en sentirse así...pero volviendo al tema, la cuestión es ¿por qué soy tan bruto?
Si, only a motherfucker idiot may possible think that levantarse con el pie derecho hará mejor que tu día than doing it with the left foot, Ja, it sounds stupid, o solamente es que yo soy muy tonto, pero si soy así, me siento peor que María Cecilia Botero, con toda esa sarta de estupideces que hace cuando inicia un proyecto de acuerdo a los chismosos de sweet. Cada cosa que hago o dejo de hacer parece que estuviera ligada al hecho de que me va a ir bien o me va a ir mal al día siguiente.
Sometimes it's like, you know just writting in my fucking blog may bring me bad luck, or well, working very early in the morning brings me real good luck, yes, that's me and I´m that stupid, or thinking once, that reading the Bible brings me bad luck and stop reading it brings me brand new good luck....please, it's like my mind is infected with a lot of crap, if only I could delete all those bites of useless information, if only, I don´t know if I'm a fucking lucky man, or what but, like everybody else in the world, I like good things happening to me, and when I realize that having sex or not having sex is making my days worst or better, then is when I think I need help.
I might sound crazy but that´s what I am, I think too much, I have tons of free time, wait no, I have tons of time I should invest in making my work best, and maybe that little things are what making my days worst or better, not the simple facts that sleeping with my head south or north-oriented, and also I need to have an spiritual connection, and it seems that sometimes work. I've learned as a child that supersticions are something evil, if only I could get rid of them I would be happier, easier. I need to stop, well at least is not drugs like some of my former twitter friends I talked about in a previous post, and other news, it seems my friend got a weird interest in getting his former lover back, he forgave, but not me, well the hell, the fuck with him, he never was my friend, and actually I never thought it was gonna last, that seudo-friendship we used to have, again, after talking about luck and former friends I'm hungry and well I have to go.
This has been the weirdest day of the year so far, starting with the fact I was sleeping so well at 1:30 am when the witch's face woke me up (not exactly when september ended) so I could open the door to the highlander who is living in the house, yes that's the way my Samstag started... some tweeting (as usual) and then in the early morning, I found the notice that one friend of the house (whose name is just like mine) was sick last night with some kind of heart afection, and he's so fucking young.
Well, I wanted this day to be an all-over online day, and I could find the fucking modem, and plus I had to stay with the guy in the hospital like two hours and now I'm in this "cyber-cafe" where there's nothing but noise, horrible people with horrible voices yelling, and I want to write and this way I can't write anything good you know.
I got some ideas for my wordpress blog and also for this blog as well, but I'm not focused, something's wrong, yesterday or the day before I deleted a complete post, it`s like I`m losing my touch, am I? that would be horrible, this is the only thing I like to do, wrtting is kinda of the best thing ever for me...and what about if I can't write, like my imagination was fading, maybe is my enemy, they're sucking my energy slowly as I adapt and stopped fighting and being part of it...and I DO NOT want to, well that's it for now, it's impossible keep writting with this noise.
Como siempre, algo malo sucede, justo cuando solo quería relajarme y descansar. Getting away from the fucking jungle I'm stuck in, pero no resultó tal y como yo esperaba. I got here yesterday after hours traveling, first through a dusty and destroyed road and then waiting in the slowest high road ever, and when I got here, well I decided to go out, and fuck I got a punch in my mouth...accidentally I got to say...but the worst is that it didn't worth at all.
I went to sleep frustrated, not even here in the land I'm supposed to be happy, to be comfortable, things go wrong, so maybe it's not where I am, maybe it's me, I am the wrong thing, I am screwing things around, everytime. Am I? Am I that horrible, that stupid, that jerk?
But well Saturday didn't turn out that well either...the morning I had to play the messenger again, messenger for the jungle people, (yes, I had to spend lots of money to get the hell out of there) and I wanted to do some plans for the evening, but fuck, that didn't go that well either, I went for lunch and some drinks for my best friend's love interest, it was a very bad idea, but things seemed to be great so far, and then at the end of the night, I was a betrayer and a liar, I don't wanna talk about details, but if I'm a betrayer and liar, I have to say that that one free of sins, throw the first stone, I'm sure my former best friend is NOT free of sins and now he's staring at me as big big liar, the worst thing ever, C'mon. I tried to convince him NOTHING bad happened but he doesn't wanna hear, he doesn't wanna listen, and I'm done with going after him attempting to explain, at least he should remember the wrong things he's done...but the fuck with him, it's so sad, he's actually the only friend I ever had, the only real friend, real, I mean nobody else had been there for me just like he's been, but even when it hurts, I'm not gonna take that weight on my shoulders, if he doesn't wanna see me again for some kind of missunderstanding, the fuck with him, the fuck with everybody else, anyway in the jungle I'm alone and nobody's there to support me... but it hurts, it hurts a lot, losing my best and only friend, I don't want to lose his friendship, but all came down to this, and at least for now, I gotta leave things this way, Good News? He's still my "facebook" friend, but that's not gonna last, if only he could listen to me, if only I could talk to him, I wanna talk to him and fix things, but again he doesn't wanna listen.
Now I'm on my way to hell again, I just wanna say I'm sorry if I did something wrong, I'm sorry, but it's not the fucking case, I want to be heard, just a simple mistake, wanting to be in company, coz I hate being alone, but I didn't do anything wrong, I just want him to listen...but the world is not a perfect place and here I am. Now I am the betrayer and liar, two names more for my resume of horrible things I am.
Today I feel kinda tired...it´s weird because as I usually sleep very early I don´t feel tired at all, but last night I was talking with some people til late night about the town when the violence was red hot. But that´s not all, every single day that goes by I feel more tired, seeing the same people, the same kids, the same laziness, even mine.
I decided to feel tired when I wanted to get stronger, but that´s pretty much something I was really looking for and I could stand, but the other things, it´s like I was getting drained my energy, and the only thing I can do is sleeping or sending tweets and sms´s. This place is getting harder to leave, not because I´m feeling any attachment feeling towards it, but to leave this motherfucker place I would have to spend a lot of money, money I need to do things I do like, and I do like a lot.
And with me feeling tired, the cost of transportation, to make the trifecta, I think the water is getting to me, and I´m not feeling that well. I should wait a couple of weeks to get some things I need to see if maybe, just maybe I can remain healthy in this land God forgot so long ago.
But at least in the conversation, last night I got an idea for a brand new story, maybe it would require more investigation, but it´s not like it´s impossible to do, I´m gonna do it, well maybe I feel motivated enough to do it. Motivation, that´s all what these MF kids need and sometimes I feel powerless when there's absolutely nothing that motivates them except for video games and boyfriends...but what the hell, I gotta keep going, until what should happen will happen. And it happens, it happens a lot.
Today, was a good day, until I´ve found out again the reason I wanna leave. The reason is very simple by the way. I can´t stand people thinking they´re better than they really are. And the place I work is filled with this kind of people, young people teenagers, I can understand they´re young and they wanna live and they wanna have dreams and stuff just like I once did.
But the problem is why if they come from a town in the middle of a hot jungle and they have like zero chances of leaving this fucking town, they think they´re better and they deserve more than anybody else around, that´s why I hate working with this people, I´m afraid it´s not a general situation.
I´ve been working with four teams of people, and just one, just one I see once a week is the one I hate the most, horrible, horrible girls thinking they´re beauty or thinking they´re kind of special, c´mon, and yes, the horrible missgebildete people, well pretty much just one, how can somebody so physically horrible posibly think they got something to laugh about other people.
Well, that´s the problem, because maybe they think they can laugh at me, and maybe they can, and maybe I shouldn´t allow them, but fuck them, if they don´t respect me, there´s no reason in the whole world I should respect them, but this take back to the begining the reason I don´t wanna be here in the first place. People laughing. That´s the thing I hate the most in the world and maybe one day I just would take my stuff and leave this fucking town, where everything is going to hell, where everything is so far far away, where there´s nothing good, and maybe just a bunch of people is.
That´s why I can forget I was left behind here, but as far as I can go, I´m gonna take everything that it gives to me, and well I have to give something in return, but it´s not gonna be love. I just wanna say FUCK YOU BITCHES, FUCK YOU ALL, FUCK YOU MISSGEBILDETE, FUCK YOU, and GO TO HELL.
Well, maybe I´m just waiting for the moment, the right moment for me to go, for me to leave this fucking town, once and for all and forget about all the shitty things that I´ve been through here.
VAYANSE AL INFIERNO NOJODA, PERO FRESCO QUE SI USTED LEE ESTO NO ES CON USTED JEJEJEJE.
Seufzer. It is very hard for a man to stay still, when everything that cross through your mind is sex. It's been a while since the last time I had sex for the last time...well maybe like two or three weeks, but thing is it is very very difficult not to have sex. Well, when you´re busy it´s easy to focus your energy in doing your things...and it´s kinda good and maybe that´s the good thing about abstinence, you got a lot of energy you can use to do things right.
But now, the negative facts. When it´s been a while since you had sex for the last time, you can easily fall in temptation, and do bad things (or sweet things) with people that after you're finished you will regret. On the other hand if you chose the right person, someone who cares about you, even when it's not a girlfriend or a lover, it's totally ok. But it's important to have in mind that maybe somewhere, somebody is the right one for you to fuck, not to love, because I´ve found Love is such a complicated thing that it´s not likely to find in short term.
I´m afraid Love is related to the biochemistry of our brains, and so, our chemistry so maybe waiting for somebody the right time, maybe it would make you love somebody. Or maybe Love is not related to Fuck, or maybe for some people it is.
Now, I know it's gonna take weeks for me to leave this town, so I´m gonna be an abstinent for a while, but maybe there´s is someone, out there, who deserves I stay still...but it´s hard I know, I gotta focus on the things I should be doing, the gym (where I suck) or the school (where I suck too) anyway time is the only thing that doesn't stay still and that is a blessing for all of us who are waiting for something to happen.
¿Es una locura querer aprender otro idioma? Mucha gente como mi papá alguna vez lo ha pensado...pues ¿para que dedicarle tiempo, esfuerzo y dinero a aprender otra forma de comunicarse si ya poseemos una? pues la respuesta creo que es más que obvia: en este mundo cada vez más inter-conectado, hablar varias lenguas multiplica tus posibilidades de salir adelante.
That's why is important speaking several languages, and now I think I'm fluent in two different languages: English and Spanish, but I'm desperate to speak a third and maybe a fourth languages, and my target for a third language is German. The most interesting thing about German is that it's not related with Latin, and that's why it's not as easy as Portuguese or Italian for a spanish speaker. It's not like I think Portuguese or Italian are easy, but when I'm reading some text in those languages I can understand like the 90%. It's no the case in German, it's a challenge.
Deutsch ist eine großen language. Es ist kompliziert, aber Ich will lernen. Es ist die Tür zu anderen Sprachen.
Bueno, si no soy un as en Alemán, tengo poco vocabulario y la gramática es complicada pero quien sabe si algúndía de estos los sorprendo con un post en alemán.
Bueno creo que he decidido cual va a ser mi cuarto lenguajes: Francés. Digamos que hay motivación. Vas-y.
Traveling to Montería having so few hours before coming back to this point lost in the map, was a risky decision. Having in mind all what could go wrong, it is like a miracle that everything came up so great, that as far it's my best trip of the year and I was in Medellin this year.
I arrived late, like 5 pm and I had someone waiting for me, that´s why the first thing I did was getting something for them. The Iced-tea that leaded us to meet, and the usual chocolate...then the phone rang, it was them...they were across the street with somebody else, I was feeling uncomfortable, but I remembered I had talked to their companion, and it was a really cool person, lovely, caring... anyway but for some reason I was feeling not that easy.
I crossed the street and yes, i was afraid, they had told me I looked so different in my facebook pics that it was hard to tell how I'd look face to face...and well... I crossed the street, and I could see them both, it was weird. Then we decided to hang out for a while and things got easier, but I´m not that cool when meeting people for the first time, but I didn´t wanna look like that, so I tried to talk, and having the girl by my side was real helpful.
Then, real cool things happening, but the top moment of the night was when I was told -in british accent by the way- "you´re a giver, but you should´t be, SAVE SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF" and that was the best advice I´ve got in years I think, maybe I want to please other people instead of me, but maybe that´s the problem, once I´ve given everything, I´m not interesting anymore.
I had to say that discussing with my best friend the same day wasn´t helping that much, I was distracted, and I didn´t want to look distracted...but thank God, I called him and we´re friends again. Waking up was hard, i knew I had to go back to Sincelejo, but I didn´t know it was gonna be that way. I didn´t wanna go, I wanna spend more hours, lying there, feeling the way I was feeling, but duty calls, and I have a responsability even when it´s not the kind of responsability I'd like to have... and then sleeping the whole way to Sincelejo, and being the messenger for people in this town didn´t leave anytime to rest, and then the whole way to this place, again, in the middle of nowhere, far way from the things and people I care about. It´s very hard. I got dreams.
Not everybody you meet in Twitter is good people, some months ago, just after I had to switch my previous account to the new one, I met a two characters, I thought they lived in the same town I live, or I used to live since I'm now in this lost spot on the map. Well I met these two characters and so, it was cool.
But then I made the serious mistake of following friends of one of this two characters, so I started to talk more often with one, let's call them MA, MA, just like me is a BB user so we shared PINs and we started some kind of friendship, very cool in the begining and even there was plans for meeting and partying together, he even asked for my CV, which now I considered a mistake from me sending it to them just right over.
In some point, MA had the confidence (or the impudence) to confess that they used to consume drugs, and not one kind of drug but a wide range of very dangerous drugs, since that day nothing was the same, and after several weeks of silence, they just stopped following me, deleted me from their BBM and it was like we never met. Something I really hate it's people leaving with no explanation, but maybe for this wrong and damaged people they just don't need reasons, they're screwed up.
Well, weeks later feeling lonely in this real jungle, I decided to create another blog with an attached twitter account to talk about stuff I don't want anybody to relate it to me, well I used the database of people in my main twitter acount and the MB the second friend, showed up, it seems they were so horny about my avatar that they felt interested enough to keep sending DMs to me. I fell in the same trick, it was a huge mistake, we started talking by Gtalk, but it seems I released too much info, and they caught me.
It seems they were happy to let me go, but I knew from a very good source that MB was in the same path than MA, drugs, alcohol, cigarrets, and for some reason I think they got some kind of joke about me, well it's not like I care because I know I'm not gonna be in their way or they in my way never, I just want God can help them to get out of that life full of hurtful things, this post is the last time I'm gonna talk about them because they don't deserve anything from me, not my time or my energy. I hope they have enough drugs to go on.
